Being A Loboto Really Sucks
by JustARatherVeryInsaneShipper
Summary: A short fic about a bully with bad teeth, a theater geek with really big ears, and an alien girl in a space helmet, and what happened to them when everybody's brains were getting stolen. And about how Bobby has the worst dad in the world. Warning: this fic has a really big headcanon of mine in it. I explained at the top of the page.


**I thought I might as well post some of the Dangannauts stuff from my tumblr page. Now, if you don't know what Dangannauts is, which you most likely don't, it's a Dangan Ronpa AU for Psychonauts. Very complicated, and you can click on the link on my profile to learn more about it if none of this is making sense to you. The point of all that is, in the AU, Dr, Loboto is actually Bobby's father, who went mad when his son was about seven and had to be physically fought off by Bobby's mother. This is very important in this particular fanfic. Anyway, enough of all this background info.**  
><strong>Behold!<strong>

**/**

"Bobby? Hey, boss? Boss? Wake up!"

The panicky voice of his best friend echoed in Bobby's head as he slowly regained consciousness. Benny, who had been shaking him violently by the shoulders, stopped as soon as he saw Bobby's eyes open slightly.

"Boss? Hey, you're awake. Chloe, he's awake!"

"Wha…?" Bobby mumbled. Behind Benny, Chloe leaned into view, her space helmet unmistakable. He realized he was lying on the ground and couldn't remember how he had gotten there.

"What's going on? Did I pass out or somethin'?" Bobby muttered, sitting up, and received a shock when he realized that they weren't by Chloe's cabin as they had been a few minutes ago, but in the courtyard of an abandoned building.

"Where the heck are we?" Bobby said, staring wide-eyed at the crumbling building before them. Benny and Chloe shrugged in unison.

"The last thing I remember is standing by the cabins," Benny recounted. "Then this giant fish or something jumped out of the bushes and swallowed us up, and then I guess we fainted and woke up here. You know, I didn't actually think that story about the monster in the lake was true."

"I don't know exactly what species the creature was," Chloe added. "It swallowed us before I could get a good look. Further research would be helpful, but it was nowhere in sight when we regained consciousness."

Bobby didn't remember any giant fish, and he had actually made up most of the legend he and Benny had terrorized Dogen with. Before he could tell Benny that, however, the door of the old building burst open and a girl in a red dress came out. She let out a small shriek when she noticed the three children standing in the courtyard.

"Who are you?" Benny was the first to ask as the girl came running across the courtyard. As she stopped in front of them, Bobby noticed she was wearing yellow oven mitts.

"I'm Sheegor," the girl squeaked in an impossibly high voice. An expression of panic crossed her face. "I wasn't supposed to tell you that! I'm sorry. I-I'm not supposed to talk to you. Come with me.

"What? No way! Where is this place?" Bobby snapped. Sheegor trembled.

"I-I'm sorry! I can't tell you that either. A-and if you don't come with me, I'm supposed to knock you out and take you up to the top floor." Saying that much caused her trembling to become worse.

"Oh yeah? Try me!" Bobby said, throwing up his arms in front of Benny and Chloe as if to shield them. Sheegor was barely as tall as he was, and he doubted she had any psychic powers. It seemed like there was no way she'd be able to take him on, let alone all three of them.

He was wrong. Sheegor only squeaked, "I'm _sorry!_", pulled something out of her pocket, aimed it at Chloe, and pressed a button with a loud click. Chloe immediately sank to the floor, unconscious, and without another thought Bobby dropped to his knees beside her. He had opened his mouth to yell _What did you do? _when he heard another loud click, and suddenly everything went dark.

When he woke up, they were no longer in the courtyard but inside what he supposed must be the crumbling building. He was strapped into a chair, with some kind of helmet on his head and chains keeping him from moving. Bobby could turn his head, and he saw Benny and Chloe in similar restraints a few feet away, awake but silent. A quick attempt to use his telekinesis proved that the helmet was somehow rendering his psychic powers unusable. He almost wondered how that was possible, but then forgot as he recognized the thin squeak of Sheegor in the other room.

"The next three are here!" she said, but Bobby couldn't see her or whoever it was she was speaking to. "Chloe Barge, Benny Fideleo, and Bobby Zilch. I-I've got them in the chairs already. Do you want me to take care of the extractions for you, or-?"

Someone else replied, and Bobby's heart thudded to a halt in his chest.

"No, no, no, that won't be necessary! I'll do the extractions this time, Sheegor. You wait here."

It was his father's voice.

Bobby did not believe what his ears were telling him. Up until the moment the figure appeared in the doorway, he was desperately trying to convince himself that he had not heard the person he was thinking of. But, of course, he had.

"Hello, son!" Dr. Loboto said with a twisted grin, seeing the terrified expression on Bobby's face. Several options of what to say came to mind, ranging from shocked (_I thought you were dead) _to angry (_Screw you for what you did to my mom) _to sarcastic (_Where's last year's child support?),_ but he couldn't seem to get any words out.

"It's been quite a while since I last saw you. You've grown."

His father crossed the room, eyes fixed on him, and he finally remembered how to speak. "I-I'm not your son," he said.

"Oh, I know you may not want to admit it," sighed Loboto, then, his mouth curling into a smile again, "but you most definitely are. It was on your birth certificate, you know. Robert Loboto. Can't change that."

"Boss, what's he talking about?" came a small voice, and he saw Benny staring at him with wide, confused eyes.

Loboto stared at Bobby's best friend for a moment, then back to Bobby, shaking his head. "Did you never tell them? Why, I'm ashamed of you, Robert."

"_Don't call me that!_" the boy screamed back, his voice echoing in the small room. "_My name is Bobby!_"

His father paid him no mind, turning around and walking to the center of the room. "Now, which of you should I start with?" he asked. "Don't worry, son. We won't do yours yet. I want to save the best for last. But for now, how about we start with _you_?" This last word directed at Chloe, who hadn't said a word since they'd awoken. Bobby suddenly realized her space helmet had been removed in order to fit her into the chair's helmet. She looked small without it, and somehow almost naked.

Loboto was now striding over to her chair. "Now, I've heard very interesting things about you, little girl," he said to her as he began fiddling with something on his metal claw. "You think you're an alien, and you've been trying your whole life to get to space, that's right, isn't it? Well, there's no telling if you are or not, butif you are, I've never had the chance to see what's inside the brain of an extraterrestrial entity. And if you're not, I wonder what's in your brain anyway. Let's see, shall we? This procedure shouldn't hurt a bit, but you may feel an intense desire to sneeze. That's natural. Now, just sit back." Chloe uttered a small scream and twisted furiously in her chair as he advanced.

"Wh-what are you going to do?" Bobby asked. When he received no answer, he cried, "_Leave her alone! What are you doing to her?_" He knew what was coming, but his efforts were doing nothing to stop it.

Loboto did not listen to his son; instead he twisted something on the end of his claw and a small cloud of what looked like pepper floated out and surrounded Chloe's head. Her nose twitched slightly, and she suddenly sneezed. Sneezed again. On the third and final sneeze, something large and pink shot out of her nose and collided with the opposite wall in a shower of mucus. Bobby realized it was her brain, and an overwhelming wave of nausea and terror swept through him. He screamed loudly, and retching noises from nearby told him Benny had thrown up.

"Perfect!" the doctor cried, running over to the brain and scooping it up in one hand. He went into the other room for a moment, came back with a large jar, and deposited Chloe's brain neatly into it. Producing a marker, he printed _C. Barge _on the side in neat handwriting, then put the jar down by the door.

"That was excellent, dear," he told Chloe, who didn't seem to hear him. Her eyes were glassy and unfocused, and looking at her almost made Bobby want to throw up, too. At least she didn't seem to be dead. He hadn't known until now that you could live without your brain. He felt a slight feeling of relief, but it didn't last long.

"Let's hope you're as easy as she was, hmm?" he said, this time addressing Benny, who realized he was next and began screaming as Loboto crossed the room, neatly avoiding the puddle of vomit by his chair.

"Don't worry about your mess," the doctor told him. "Sheegor can clean that up later. For goodness' sake, boy, _stop screaming_!" Benny neither heard nor obeyed, and Loboto sighed, throwing up his hands in the air.

"They never listen," he told Bobby, almost conspiratorially. Bobby had reached his limit, and he twisted violently in his chair, trying to somehow break through his bonds. They remained solid and unmoving. Finally giving up, he shut his eyes tightly, trying and failing to block out the sounds of Benny screaming, breaking into explosive sneezing, and finally falling silent. He kept them shut as Loboto called Sheegor in to remove his two friends and deliver them to the lakeshore. Finally, footsteps made their way across the room and up to his chair, then stopped. Bobby dared to open one eye. His father was staring down at him with an unreadable expression.

"You know, I've been waiting for this moment for years now," Loboto told him.

Bobby's voice came out as a low croak. "Are you going to rip out my brain like you did to my friends?"

"Oh, you make it sound so cruel when you say it that way. I'm going to finally see what's inside that little mind of yours! After all, anyone related to me should have very promising things inside their brain."

"I hate you," Bobby muttered, staring at the ground.

"That's perfectly all right," Loboto replied, not bothered in the least. "It's natural that you would feel that way, having been kept from me all these years by that bitch."

Bobby's head whipped up, his expression filled with hate and anger. "Don't you ever-don't you _ever _say that about my mom!" he screamed. He would have punched his father in the face is he could have moved his arms, but as it was, all he could do was sit there and glare.

Again, Loboto didn't seem to hear him, or possibly just ignored him. "She _kept _you from me, Robert. All those years, knowing that your son has been left in the hands of some bitch who doesn't know genius when she sees it…it's painful. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't even have been in that damn asylum! She just wanted to keep you away from me!" With each sentence, his voice rose in pitch, and finally he slammed his hands down on the arm of Bobby's chair in anger.

Bobby himself was beginning to realize just how far gone Loboto was. Almost nothing of the person he'd grown up with seemed to remain in this man. His father had, after all, gone insane, and he realized that perhaps trying to antagonize him was not the safest option. He chose instead to keep quiet for the moment, although his insides were practically boiling in anger.

"If she'd just kept _quiet_! If she'd let me _see _you that night, everything would have been _fine_!" Loboto screamed. Then his burst of anger seemed to disappear as quickly as it had bubbled up. He took a deep breath. "But everything's okay now. You're here. And I've got all your little friends' brains to poke around in! I really should thank you, son. You led me here, after all."

This sudden realization hit Bobby as hard as if he'd run into a brick wall. It was true. That meant that Benny and Chloe losing their brains was his fault.

Loboto didn't seem to realize how deeply his words had struck his son.

"All right!" he sang suddenly. "We've wasted enough time here! Now, it's finally time to do what I should have done years ago, son!" He aimed his claw at Bobby's face. Bobby shut his eyes. _Mom,_ _don't worry. I promise I won't leave you alone. _He and his mother had fought tooth and nail to keep him out of his father's hands, and yet it had led to not only his brain being removed, but those of his closest friend and the girl he loved. He was determined not to let this be the end of it.

A cloud of something peppery surrounded Bobby's head.

Bobby sneezed without another thought.


End file.
